


a star to steer by

by SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife (KnightOfRage)



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, No Endgame Spoilers, and avitus really loves him, macen is a dork, mentions of bullying, nothing else though, pre-game, spoilers for turian ark mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightOfRage/pseuds/SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife
Summary: Avitus doesn't mean to fall in love. It happens anyway.Or...reaching the farthest stars doesn't mean anything when you find them alone.





	

Avitus Rix is from some nowhere colony out on the very edge of developed space. His parents saved for years to send him to bootcamp back on the homeworld, on Palaven. Avitus knows that he should be grateful and he is, really. But he’s been here a week already and the other turians here haven’t exactly been welcoming.

They’re all barely old enough to have clan markings and fear is making them mean. Fights have been common in these first few days, breaking out over even the littlest things.The drill instructors know. They have to know. But they never do anything about it. Avitus just does his best to stay out of the way.

Avitus is on his way to the mess hall for dinner when he passes a ring of turians, all shouting and screeching and laughing as they kick at something on the floor.

The voices are loud, loud enough that half the base has to be gathered around. Avitus peers at the circle curiously, wondering if some weird animal managed to wander inside. But what he sees on the floor, being kicked and screeched at, isn’t an animal. It’s a turian.

Avitus just wants to keep his head down, to stay out of the way. He’s already looked at funny for being a colony kid, he doesn’t need the extra trouble, he doesn’t want to make himself a target.

But the kid on the floor looks so small…Avitus can hardly believe that’s a fifteen-year-old down there, curled halfway in on himself in an attempt to get away from feet that won’t stop kicking.

He acts without really thinking, without waiting to consider why he shouldn’t.

“Hey!” He barks, trying to make his voice louder and lower than it really is. “Back off!”

“Oh?” One of the turians turns to face him. “Whose gonna stop us? You?”

“I…” Avitus doesn’t get a chance to answer before they jump him.

He’s on the ground next to the turian he tried to save within seconds, getting kicked just the same. This is what he gets for trying to help. He should have known better, should have left well enough alone.

It feels like hours before they get bored and leave, but it’s probably only minutes. Avitus’s whole body hurts. He groans, rubbing the sensitive skin on his sides. It’s probably all bruised.

He lies there for a minute, shell shocked, before he uncurls a bit and looks over at the turian lying beside him.

“Thanks.” The small turian says, looking back at Avitus. Avitus blinks in surprise. He recognizes his clan marks. This turian is the son of Prex Barro, someone who every turian knows. He’s someone important, one of the highest ranked generals in the hierarchy. This kid’s father is only a few steps away from being Primarch.

“I didn’t do anything.” Avitus wipes some blood off of his mouth. Spirits, his face hurts. He’s lucky they didn’t snap a mandible. “I didn’t stop them.”

“You tried, though.” He says. “That’s more than anyone else did.”

“Didn’t make any difference.” Avitus mutters.

“It did,” The turian insists, “To me, it did.”

For a beat, there’s silence.

“Avitus Rix.” Avitus turns on his side and holds out a hand.

“Macen Barro.” The other turian takes it, mandibles opening just a bit in a smile, a sign of weakness, a gesture of trust. It’s small, but there and something about it makes Avitus feel like he’s finally done something right.

Avitus helps Macen to his feet and then drops his hand. For a minute they’re both silent, awkward. Avitus fights the urge to fidget or to run. He’s never been good at things like these, at other people’s feelings. But then Macen says,

“Wanna go to the mess hall? There should still be dinner left if we hurry.”

“I…yeah.

Macen smiles at him again, wider this time. “Lead the way.”

**~~~~**

Boot camp never really becomes any easier, but it is at least bearable with Macen by his side. They’re not well-liked, the colony kid and the general’s son who stands a head shorter than everyone else, and they both have scars from other recruits who were a bit too eager to prove their dislike.

But Macen and Avitus are always sure to leave their own scars too. They’ve both become capable in their own ways during boot camp. Avitus is a good shot, always in the top few during marksmanship tests, and a fair hand-to-hand fighter.

Macen, though, he’s a genius. The stuff he can do with tech is like nothing Avitus has ever seen. He’s already programed his omnitool to send out painful electric shocks that can overload shields. He tinkers with tech constantly during his spare time, learning more and more.

He never seems to tire of learning.

Avitus is just a grunt, a good shot and a good fighter, but not much else. Macen…he’s special.

They’re hanging out in the transport bay like they usually do in the brief free period between dinner and lights out. It’s dark and smells like omnigel, but no one else ever bothers coming down this way so it’s a good spot for the solitude if not for the scenery.

Avitus is sitting, back against the wall, as Macen fiddles with something underneath a nearby transport.

“You’re going to get us yelled at again.” Avitus says. “Messing with that thing.”

“Stop being so grouchy.” Macen says, popping his head out from under the transport to grin up at Avitus. He’s always doing that, smiling. Avitus doesn’t get what goes on in Macen’s fool head for him to be that happy all of the time.

“I’m not grouchy.” Avitus grumbles.

“You are.” Macen insists. “Pass me that scanner, will you?”

“This one?” Avitus’s hand hovers over a scanner on the nearby tray of tools.

“No, the one beside it.” Macen says and Avitus grabs that one and hands it him.

“Thanks.” He slides back under the transport, scanner starting to whir softly.

“What are you even doing?” Avitus asks after a few moments of silence.

“If I boost the hydraulics, I think I can make this transport leave the ground for four or five second intervals.”

“Leave the…” Avitus blinks as he gets the idea. “Macen! You’re making it _jump_?”

“Yeah.” Macen says, still beneath the transport.

“Why would a transport need to jump?” Avitus demands in exasperation.

“It wouldn’t!” Macen says brightly. “I just think it would be cool, is all.”

“So when the CO comes to shout at all of us about his transport jumping off of a mountain, what are we supposed to tell him? It’s all Macen’s fault because he thought that a jumping transport would be _cool_?”

“Oh please.” Macen says, head popping out from under the transport again. “I know you wouldn’t let me take the blame alone, Avitus.”

Avitus doesn’t have a response for that because, honestly, he wouldn’t. But he doesn’t want to _admit_ that.

“Go back to your hydraulics.” He mumbles after a pause that stretches just a bit too long.

Macen reaches out and pats his bare leg. “So grouchy.” He slides back under the transport without waiting for Avitus to reply.

Skin-to-skin contact is uncommon among turians outside of fighting and sex. They’re a predator species and this kind of thing, this casual touching, it doesn’t happen without a lot of trust.

They linger in the transport bay a while longer before the warning for lights out sounds. They both troop back to bed, talking idly, before changing and slipping into their respective bunks.

Avitus can still feel where Macen touched him.

It _burns_.

**~~~~**

Three days after Avitus turns sixteen, Macen starts calling him Avi.

They’ve known each other for nearly a year now. They’re best friends and their whole base knows it. To find Macen, you go to Avitus and vice versa. Not that anyone ever really needs to find them. After enough punches from Avitus and shocks from Macen, they’re no longer picked on, but they’ll never be popular.

They’re eating when it happens, terrible protein goo that makes Avitus homesick even after a year. Macen looks across the table at him and says, “Hey, Avi, would you mind lending me your omnitool later? Mine’s still on the fritz.”

“Wait, what did you call me?” Avitus says, taken aback.

“I…um, Avi.” Macen says, mandibles pressing in tight to his face. “Short for your name. Avitus, Avi. You know.”

He looks…nervous. It takes Avitus a few seconds to realize because nervousness is an emotion he so rarely sees on Macen. Macen might get beat up and might be a head shorter than almost everyone else, but he’s never unsure of himself. He figures out the best way and then he follows it. He isn’t the sort of turian who second-guesses or regrets.

It’s strange and Avitus doesn’t know where it’s coming from.

“I can’t do the same for you.” He says, realization dawning.

“I…what?” Macen blinks.

“Your name.” Avitus explains, even though he thought it was obvious from context. “Macen. It’s already pretty short. I could call you Mace, but that sounds stupid.”

Macen laughs. “You don’t have to _pay me back_ , Avitus.” He says and he sounds both fond and exasperated.

“Well, why bother, then?” Avitus says and it comes out sounding surly, but he actually means it. He…likes the idea of a nickname, something special that just Macen calls him. But if he can’t do the same for Macen…

“I’m just doing it for you.” Macen shrugs. “Sometimes, you don’t have to get anything back.”

Avitus huffs a laugh to hide the warmth the words make him feel. “The Turian Hierarchy would disagree.”

Macen smiles wide and reaches out to touch the side of Avitus’s neck. “Well, maybe they’re wrong.”

He’s not wearing a glove. They never do when they eat. It’s one of the few times they don’t.

Macen’s hand is warm and the place he’s touching that’s…that’s a weak point.

That’s something intimate.

“I…”

Macen drops his hand and looks away, mandibles fluttering. “Sorry.” He says and his voice is too soft, too worried. He doesn’t sound like himself.

Avitus swallows and reaches up to touch the place where Macen’s fingers just rested. “It’s fine.”

Macen looks up. “Yeah?”

Avitus nods. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” Macen smiles. “ _Avi_.”

Avitus’s chest gets tight and he feels his mandibles flutter. He’s terrified, but…

Macen’s smile has always made him feel like he’s doing something right.

**~~~~**

Two weeks later they graduate.

It’s stiff and regimented, a lot of sitting and then standing and promising themselves to the good of the Hierarchy. They’re in alphabetical order by last name and Avitus finds himself sitting between two if the turians who beat up him and Macen their first day at boot camp.  
It’s not exactly comfortable.

Luckily, the ceremony is quick and relatively painless. They’re not humans or, spirits forbid, _asari_. When they have something to get done, they do it. No frills necessary. Avitus shakes hands with some officer he doesn’t know and is handed a datapad with his new posting and that’s it.

Avitus manages to meet up with his parents afterwards. They spend most of the time congratulating him and asking about his new posting. Avitus spends most of his time inwardly debating on whether or not he should introduce them to Macen.

He doesn’t know what he should call Macen. His best friend? No, that doesn’t feel like enough. His partner? No, that’s too ambiguous.

His…his mate?

He thinks of himself wearing Macen’s clan marks or maybe Macen wearing his and something like _want_ springs up in his chest. But, no. He quashes that feeling as a wave of panic threatens to drown him. Those aren’t feelings he can be having

They're useless things to think about, even as they threaten to drown him. 

“Are you okay?” His mother frowns and looks closely at Avitus. “You look ill.”

“I’m fine.” He lies. “Just fine.”

He helps them back to their shuttle soon after, asking them to give his regards to all of his old friends back home, and stands on the dock as they fly off. He watches as the ship disappears, trying as hard as he can not to think.

“Avi.”

He looks back over his shoulder to see Macen standing there, looking painfully grown-up in his dress uniform. He’s still shorter than Avitus, but it’s not by much now.

“Hey.” Avitus says.

“Your parents already gone?” Macen asks, walking over to stand at Avitus’s side. He nods. “Hmm.” Macen looks disappointed. “I wanted to meet them.”

“Sorry.” Avitus is having trouble making eye contact. Stupid, he’s so stupid. His mate? Macen would never want that. “They had to go.”

“Too bad.” Macen says. “Next time, then.”

“Next time.” Avitus says. Hopefully he’ll have a proper word to call Macen by then, even if it’s just in his own head.

**~~~~**

They leave for their new postings the next day.

Avitus and Macen are together, thank spirits. They’re assigned defense on some backwater colony, a perfect starter assignment for two turians fresh out of bootcamp.

Their new squad is amiable enough. At the very least, they make it through the first day without getting beat up. So…that’s an improvement.

Macen and Avitus spend every day together. Avitus has to start policing himself, careful to stop every time he gets too close, stares a bit too long. It’s useless to want the way he does. Macen would never want the same.

Macen is getting taller, broader in the shoulder too, and other turians have started to notice. Half of their new squad has propositioned Macen before a week has passed.

Avitus is pathetically grateful every time that Macen waves off another advance, another friendly offer to spend the night together. Most turians sleep around at this age, hopping into bed with whoever offers. It’s a time to have fun and be free before settling down with a mate.

Macen, though, never does. Or if he does, Avitus doesn’t know about it.

Avitus gets offers too, spirits know why.

Obviously, he declines.

He doesn’t think he could touch another turian without thinking of Macen and that, well. That would hurt more than anything.

In the end, they only stay on the colony for a year before begin reassigned. Avitus is just surprised it took that long. It was only mean to be a starter assignment, after all. Both he and Macen have been getting twitchy. Avitus has managed to wear out the center of his practice target and Macen has rigged half of their outpost’s transports to jump and boost to insanely fast speeds.

They take one out the day before they leave, soaring over the muddy earth and leaving wide ruts in their wake. Soon, though, they slow and their speed ticks back to something closer to ordinary.

“That’s the problem.” Macen complains, fingers flexing on the gear shift. “I can’t make the boost keep up for longer than a few seconds.”

“It’s still damn impressive.” Avitus says. “I felt like we were flying.”

Macen’s mandibles flare in a grin. “Give me a few hours and some tools, I bet I could make this thing take off.”

Avitus laughs. “Knowing you? I would almost believe it.”

Macen laughs softly and slows the transport down, finally parking at the base of some muddy hills. It’s raining, falling over the windshield and making the whole world slurry and blurred.

“Can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow.” Macen says after a while, voice rising above the steady beat of the rain.

“Mmmm.” Avitus agrees, his eyes on Macen’s profile. He’s trying to memorize it. After tomorrow, he won’t see it every day. It’s something he doesn’t really want to think about.  
Macen is joining an elite corps of engineers. It’s a good placement, something to be proud of. Avitus is going to miss him terribly.

“I could wrangle you a spot in my new unit, if you want.” Macen offers. “You’d have to pretend to understand how tech works, but…”

Avitus laughs painfully and looks out the windshield so he doesn’t have to look at Macen anymore. “Lying to superiors? The Hierarchy would be ashamed, Barro.”

Macen doesn’t respond right away. Avitus keeps staring out at the hazy world beyond the windshield. The rain is falling harder now, blurring things more quickly. A small, childish part of him wants to stay here in this place with Macen forever, away from the whole world.

“I’m going to miss you.” Macen says finally.

“Yeah.” Avitius agrees.

“We’ve been together for so long.” Macen laughs and it sounds hollow. “I don’t know if I remember how to be myself without you, Avi.”

Avitus glances over. Macen is already looking at him, mandibles tucked tightly with distress. Avitus wants to get in close, to lean their foreheads together, to touch every part of Macen that no one else has touched.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he looks back out the windshield and he says, “You’ll figure it out. You always were the smart one.”

Macen doesn’t answer.

**~~~~**

Avitus spends the next two years working with a recon unit. And even though he misses Macen, it’s a good two years.

He distinguishes himself in combat, leading a squad and making hard choices that other might balk at. Avitus knows he’s just a grunt, but he’s a good one. He follows orders to the letter and when he gets the chance to give orders himself, he makes sure that they’re orders worth following.

It’s still a surprise, though, to walk back into him tiny shared quarters one day and to see a council envoy waiting for him with an invitation to join the most prestigious club in the galaxy.

“They council wants you to begin Spectre training, Avitus Rix.” The envoy says. It’s an asari, dressed too nicely for Avitus’s cramped, dusty quarters. She smiles. “If you accept, you will immediately begin training

“How long would it take to complete?” He asks, feeling more than a little shell shocked.

Her smile widens. “That would be up to you.”

For a moment, Avitus just stares at her. “I…”

He thinks of the email from Macen on his computer, the one he read just the night before. There’s an opportunity that they’ve both been offered, to join a special combat unit called Blackwatch. They would be able to work together again, after all of this time. Avitus was going to say yes. He’s been away from Macen for too long already. It’s been half a decade now and his feelings haven’t faded. If anything, they’ve grown. They’re a part of him now, one he isn’t sure he can ever be rid of.

Turians, both male and female, have asked him to join them in their beds. A few times, he almost said yes. But…he imagined it, he considered it, and it was always Macen’s face he saw.

He just…wants Macen. He’s never learned how to want anyone else.

Avitus is starting to think that maybe he should say something about how he feels. Macen is never with anyone. Maybe he’s been waiting too.

And, yeah, it won’t be simple or easy, but he wants it anyway. No one will care if some nobody from the colonies doesn’t have children, after all. His parents might, sure, be he won’t be disappointing the Hierarchy. He can still serve just fine. It’s not like he’s from a well-known family or anything. Neither of his parents is a diplomat or general or…

But…Macen.

Macen is a general’s son.

Macen is a general’s only son.

He’ll be expected to marry a good turian woman and have good turian children, all for the benefit of the Hierarchy. People don’t expect anything from Avitus, but they expect things from Macen.

Avitus remembers the time, years ago now, that Macen told him that the Hierarchy might be wrong.

The words were supposed to convince Avitus. He wonders, now, if Macen might have been trying to convince himself as well. Macen has a family name that matters. If Macen runs off with some male turian from the colonies, well.

So many of the bright opportunities awaiting him would darken.

Macen can’t sacrifice all that. For Avitus, he can’t.

It can’t have been more than a minute since the envoy last spoke, but for Avitus it feels like it’s been years. He feels like the whole galaxy has shifted. He takes a deep breath.  
Macen…if he is waiting, if he does care for Avitus…he wouldn’t do the smart thing. He wouldn’t leave it alone. He would never make a decision that would just leave well enough alone.

It would be easier, then, if Avitus makes that decision for him.

“Will you take the offer, Rix?” The envoy prompts.

He breathes deep, looking to the spirits for strength.

“Yes.”

His chest might ache, but his voice is steady. Macen has done so much for him, more than Avitus can ever repay. But, like this, he can start.

**~~~~**

Spectre training is long and hard, harder than boot camp and the time with his recon squad ever was. Saren is a good mentor, tough but fair, and he teaches by doing. Avitus likes that. He’s always been rubbish in a classroom.

He sends Macen messages over the extranet more than he means to and less than he wants to. It’s rare they have a stable enough connection, ranging all over the milky way that way that they do, so they tend to pile up. Macen gets emails in groups of a dozen. Some are just a few lines, updates on how Avitus is doing and little else. Others, though, ramble on for hundred of words as Avitus describes a some mission or some new world that they had landed on.

Macen responds in kind, sending Avitus emails every day about Blackwatch. He always sounds jealous when he hears of how far Avitus has traveled, of all the worlds he’s seen. Avitus wants to promise that someday he’ll take Macen to every single one.

He never does, but he wants to. He misses Macen hard enough that it hurts.

Training lasts almost a year and then, with a small ceremony that he doesn’t invite his family to, Avitus is a Spectre. After so long training, it feels a little anticlimactic.

Bootcamp, he recalls, felt the same way.

All that work for a single day. He doesn’t feel any different at the end of it, either.

He only sends Macen a message after the ceremony happens. Avitus knows Macen. Macen would show up to the ceremony, Avitus is sure of it and seeing him in person after all of this time…

Avitus isn’t sure what he would do.

**~~~~**

Two years pass and then three and then five and Avitus is still a weapon of the council.

Saren has moved onto a new trainee now, Nihlus, and Macen is head of a squad in the Blackwatch, promoted two years ago. Avitus watched the some footage of the day from a grainy video feed during some rare downtime between missions. Macen looked well from what Avitus could see from the tiny picture low-def black and white.

They still email. Less now than they did before, every week instead of every day. But Macen never misses a week and Avitus copies all of the emails and saves them, rereading them after a mission goes badly or when the entire galaxy starts to seem like a horrible, hateful place.

Not everything could be bad, not if Macen was still out there.

Avitus relies on those emails, depends on them as a poor substitute for Macen’s presence, and that’s why he notices when they stop coming.

He’s in the middle of a mission, long recon on some elcor diplomat’s asari mistress, when his encrypted email account goes for two weeks without a new message from Macen. Luckily, his mission isn’t actually all that strenuous so he takes a few hours to call some contacts and get some info on Macen’s squad.

It’s not hard for a Spectre to dig up information, even on things like the Blackwatch that are supposed to be classified. It’s one of the few perks of his job that he actually likes.

Avitus is pacing, trying hard not to think, when his datapad lights up with the file he’s been looking for. It’s a mission report from what should have been a simple mission on a backwater world. But instead, raiders attacked and things went sideways. The squad set up a system of explosives to get themselves and a group of civilians out, but something went wrong. Someone had to stay planetside when the others escaped so the explosives would go off and stop the raiders from following.

And Macen, the noble, self-sacrificing idiot, had offered to stay behind. He's MIA, but not presumed dead. Not yet.

Well, that's that then.

Avitus gets up, leaves the hotel room he’s been renting for the sightlines into the elcor diplomat’s office and goes back to his apartment. It’s an apartment on the Presidium, probably worth half the GDP of the colony he grew up on, but he doesn’t stop to admire the view as he stuffs a duffle bag full of guns, ammo and survival supplies.

He only calls the Council to let them know he’s abandoning his mission when he’s waiting at a station for a shuttle. Predictably, they are not happy. He only half-listens while they insist that he needs to stay, that the mission comes first.

He spots the ship coming in, a black dot in the sky growing rapidly larger, and he decides abruptly that he has had enough.

“With all due respect,” He managed to growl into the comm, “I’ve done everything you’ve asked for the past five years. But now, I’m going to go and save my friend.”

“ _Spectre Rix_...” A tiny voice, affronted and shocked, follows his words but he takes out the comm and smashes it without listening to anything else.

**~~~~**

Avitus takes a large ship to a hub world and then rents a shuttle to get him to the planet Macen was left on. It’s not a quick trip. The planet is a long way from the nearest mass relay, even with FTL. It’s raider territory out this far, but he’s not worried. Avitus is a Spectre. He may still be a grunt, sure, but he’s one of the best.

He lands on the planet unaccosted and he starts his search. For the better part of two days, he ranges without finding anything. But he’s going to find Macen. Macen has to be here.

He won’t accept anything else.

He finds a small, abandoned cabin where he sets up a makeshift basecamp. It’s old, probably built back before this place was abandoned thanks to raiders. There’s a bed that’s still in usable shape in the corner, but Avitus doesn’t use it. He just keeps roaming, keeps searching. The reports he managed to dig up were far from exact. Macen might be anywhere in a hundred mile radius. He’s got a lot of ground to cover.

Wasting time with sleep would just be stupid.

Avitus feels sick and exhausted after a week on the planet. His rations are spread thin and soon he’ll either have to go off planet for more or risk eating the local flora. He’s not a fan of either option.

He’s close to desperate when he crests a hill and sees a turian hunched over a mess of wires, clearly trying to make something out of a jumble of electronics that have seen better days.

He recognizes that frill, those hands. It’s Macen.

And he’s moving. He’s alive.

“Well you look like shit.” Avitus says, trying to keep the utter relief out of his voice. Until he saw Macen, he didn’t realize just now much he feared that the other turian had died.

“Av…Avi?” Macen turns and his voice is blank with pure shock. But, slowly but sure, the shock fades and he smiles.

His smile hurts to look at.

You go blind if you stare at the sun.

It’s that sort of thing.

“Why did you come?” Macen says. “This…this is so far out of the way and my signal shouldn’t even work yet…”

“Didn’t wait for the signal. I heard you were in trouble.” Avitus says, cutting him off, “And you…you’re…” He cuts himself off with a shake of his head. “Macen. How could I not come?”

“Avitus…Avi.” Macen stands, abandoning his wires, and takes a few shaky steps towards Avitus. And then, he’s suddenly far too close, putting a hand on the back of Avitus’s neck and dragging him close, pressing their foreheads together. “You’re such an idiot.”

“I know.” Avitus agrees and he’s so happy he could cry. Macen isn’t dead, he’s right here and he’s fine and he’s so warm. Macen’s here and Avitus loves him so much.

Macen puts his hands on Avitus’s neck, spreading his fingers wide. Like this, Macen could break his neck. Like this, Avitus would let him.

His hands are warm.

“I never thought I would get to do this.” Macen says.

“I never thought you would want to.” Avitus admits and the words sound stupid, childish.

“Avitus…all of this time, you’ve been it for me. It’s you. You know that, right?” Macen says. “It’s always been you.”

“I…” Avitus reaches out and puts shaking hands on Macen’s waist. “I didn’t think…”

“You never think.” Macen smiles and from this close Avitus can feel it. It makes his insides feel like they’ve been scrambled by a shock from Macen’s omnitool. “You should, once in a while. Then you’d seen I’ve been being remarkably obvious about my feelings for you since we were both fifteen.”

“Sorry.” Avitus manages to get out. “I guess that it took me a while. But I’ve never…I’ve never been as smart as you.”

Macen chuckles. “Was that a compliment?”

“Don’t get used to it.”

**~~~~**

That night, they fall into bed together in the tiny, dusty cabin. They’re both inexperienced and so it’s sloppy and rushed, but it’s _Macen_ and so it’s perfect too. They sleep curled together and when Avitus wakes he traces the lines of Macen’s clan marks the way he’s wanted to since he was fifteen.

When Macen wakes, he smiles and reaches up the grab the hand still stroking the edge of one of his mandibles. He twines their fingers together

“Hi, Avi.” He smiles.

“Hi, Macen.” He smiles right back.

“Thanks for finding me.” Macen brings their joined hands up to his face and nuzzles them.

“Always will.” Avitus breathes.

“Good.” Macen murmurs. “I’ll always find you too, okay?”

Avitus lowers their hands from Macen’s face and leans in, pressing their foreheads together. “Okay.”

They spend the morning curled together and happy and Avitus does his best to pretend the rest of the galaxy doesn’t exist.

“I’m surprised the Council let you come look for me.” Macen says idly as they head back towards Avitus’s shuttle. “Balckwatch is just a turian thing, isn’t it?”

Abruptly, the rest of the galaxy makes itself known.

“Ah…right.” Avitus says. “They…uh, they didn’t actually let me come. I’m sort of…acting by myself?” He doesn’t mean for it to come out like a question, but it does.

“What did you do, Avi?” Macen sounds both fond and exasperated.

“I…left a mission.” Avitus says, not looking Macen in the eye. “To come here. The council probably isn’t too happy with me right now.”

“When you say _left_ …”

“I yelled at them, abandoned a mission and smashed my comm.” He admits. “It wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.”

Avitus jumps a bit when he feels Macen grab his hand.

“Thank you.” He says. “It was really, really stupid of you, but…still. Thanks, Avi.”

“Yeah.” Avitus just holds his hand tighter. “Sure.”

They’ve reached the shuttle. Macen turns to Avitus and presses their foreheads together, just breathing for a minute. Avitus takes both of Macen’s hands and holds them tightly, so tight that it has to hurt.

“You’ve been in the shadows for a long time, Avitus.” Macen leans back and smiles. It’s soft and warm and it makes Macen feel like all of the gravity is gone from the planet. “It’s okay, you know, to want more from life than that.”

“I…” Avitus doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s spent years now in the darkest corners of the galaxy. Somewhere along the way, he forgot that it wasn’t always like that.

They get into the shuttle together, Macen taking the driver’s side.

“Give me a few years.” Macen says, hands going to the controls. “I’ve been talking to this research initiative. If they’re actually going to do what they say they are, then you and me have a hell of a retirement plan waiting for us.”

“Gonna retire already, Macen?” Avitus asks.

“Just wait.” Macen says, turning the shuttle on. “It’s gonna be amazing, you’ll see.”

Avitus hums, eyes on Macen’s profile. “I believe you.”

“Yeah?” Macen’s eyes flick over to meet his.

Avitus smiles. “After all of this time, Macen, I know better than to doubt you.”

**~~~~**

Avitus serves the Council for six more months before it become too much. He can’t go home to Macen after weeks-long missions stained in blood and sweat and guilt, his mind too full of visions of awful things.

He comes in, requests an audience and informs them that he’s quitting, effective immediately.

The entire council is silent in shock.

Avitus turns and walks away, not waiting for them to regain their voices.

“Word is you’ve been talking with a member of the Blackwatch almost daily.” The turian councilor manages to say at his retreating back, accusation in his voice. “Is that what this is about? Are you angling for a higher place in the Hierarchy?”

“No.” Avitus stops, but doesn’t look back towards him. “This has nothing to do with the Hierarchy. I’m doing this for me.”

He leaves.

No one tries to stop him.

**~~~~**

Avitus spends the next few weeks hiding out in his expensive apartment, wondering when they’ll finally come and take it away from him. He doesn’t make payments on it or anything. It was just a perk of being a Spectre. And now that he’s quit…well. He can’t imagine they’ll just let him keep it.

Macen visist whenever he can, but his time is divided between Blackwatch and some research project that he keeps calling their retirement plan. Avitus has asked a few questions, but Macen waves them down. Apparently, whatever he’s working on is classified. Avitus is willing to wait it out. He’ll know about it when he needs to.

Working for the Council has made him patient, at least.

One day, Macen brings by Palaven-style takeout and they eat it in Avitus’s living room, some mindless vid playing on the TV. It’s nice, ordinary in a way that Avitus never thought he’d have.

“Hey, I’ve got some news for you.” Macen says once the food has been eaten and they’re curled up together on the couch.

“Finally going to tell me about your secret project?” Avitus says, more joking than anything. “Our retirement plan?”

Macen’s mandibles flare wide with surprise. “Yes, actually.”

“Oh.” Avitus blinks.

They sit together in Avitus’s too-big apartment and Macen tells him.

Andromeda. A new galaxy to explore, far from the Council or the Hierarchy or anyone’s expectations.

“You want to go?” Avitus asks.

“Only if you do.” Macen says. “They’ve offered to make me their Pathfinder, the leader of the turian part of the Initiative. But I said I’d only do it if they let me pick my own second-in-command.”

“And who do you want?” Avitus traces Macen’s clan marks. “You could have anyone.”

“Mmm.” Macen’s mandibles spread in a grin. “There’s this one turian. You might have heard of him. He’s a former Spectre, pretty impressive with a gun too.”

“Oh yeah?” Avitus says. “He good looking?”

“Best looking turian I know.” Macen says and Avitus tries not to look too pleased about it.

“Well, he sounds like quite the catch, if he’s interested.”

“And is he?” Macen is a bit breathless.

Avitus grins. “You know, I think he is.”

“Avi, do you really want to come?”

Avitus would follow Macen anywhere. He’s never going to leave him ever again.

“Andromeda, huh?” Avitus leans in close and thinks of a life without the Council, a life without the Hierarchy, a life without the dark. “When do we leave?”

**~~~~**

Just over a year later, Avitus is standing at the doors of the Ark Natanus. It’s massive, a hulking thing that dwarfs the heavy cruisers that Avitus has been on.

Macen helped with designing a lot of it. He is, after all, a genius.

“If you like this, you should see the exploration vehicles I’ve got for us once we get there.” Macen says, coming up to stand beside him. “NOMADS. You’ll like them.”

“Don’t tell me.” Avitus says. “They jump.”

“I don’t want to spoil the surprise, Avi.” Macen grins and grabs his hand, pulling him into the Ark. “Now come on, we’ve got things to do.”

They walk the ship, chatting with passengers. Macen never lets go of Avitus’s hand, even when he points out all of the technical details of the ship that Avitus doesn’t actually care about. He listens anyway, let’s Macen tell him about the drive core and the cryo pods and the hull plating and everything else.

It makes his mate happy, so it’s a small price for Avitus to pay.

The Arks take off with an unfortunate amount of fanfare. They should have expected it. Asari are involved, after all.

It’s a quick trip past the last of the relays after that and out into dark space. The techs begin putting people into cryo. Macen wanders off, probably to see the members of his tech squad that joined the Initiative with him before they go under.

Avitus stares out the massive window at the void, broken up at intervals by stars. They have a long journey ahead of them, even if they won’t be awake for it. He can’t wait to see what’s on the other side.

He jumps a bit when he gets a message on his omnitool. It’s from Macen, summoning him to the cryo bay. It seems it’s the Pathfinder’s turn to go under.

“So you bullied a tech into letting me be the one to supervise you going under, huh?” Avitus says, leaning in the doorway.

“I would prefer to say _charmed_.” Macen says.

“Uh hu.” Avitus pushes off the doorway and walks over, nodding at one of the cryo techs working nearby.

“I’ve already taken the sedatives.” Macen says. “I should just be a few minutes before they take effect.”

“And when you wake up, it’s a whole new galaxy.”

“That’s the idea.”

“Wow, who even came up with that?” Avitus shakes his head.

“Someone crazy, probably.” Macen says with a sheepish smile.

They both fall into silence, the enormity of the situation suddenly overwhelming. A new whole new galaxy, hundreds of years away from everything they’ve ever known. It’s a massive step. For them, for all turians, for everyone.

It’s remarkable.

“Love you, Avi.” Macen says, smiling like he always does, like he always has.

“Yeah.” Avitus says. “Love you too.”

Avitus leans down to press their forehead together. Macen closes his eyes. Avitus is rarely sentimental. Talking about feelings has always been something Macen did, not him. But they’re on the cusp of the most impossible journey that anyone has every dared to take. If there was ever a time for honesty, this is it.

“It was the best decision I ever made,” Avitus says, “Trying to save that scrawny kid who was getting beat up back in boot camp.”

Macen lets out a huff of amusement. “Glad to hear your investment paid off.”

“Hardly.” Avitus says and he leans back, looking at Macen and trying to memorize the exact color of his eyes, “I still plan on getting _plenty_ of use out of you.”

“And what might you mean by that, Avi?” Macen grins.

“Wait til we get to Andromeda, Pathfinder. You’ll find out.” Avitus says and he feels so, so stupid. But, well. Macen makes him that way. He always has.

“Sounds like we’ve got a lot waiting for us out there, huh?” Macen says.

“Yeah, it does.” Avitus holds out a hand. Macen takes it. “I’ll see you when we get there, Macen.”

“See you, Avi.” Macen squeezes his hand tight and then lets it fall.

Then, Macen’s eyelids sink as the sedative takes effect. He mumurs something that might be Avitus’s name and then he’s asleep. Avitus looks down at his sleeping face for a long minute and then turns away, ready to be put into his own stasis.

He thinks of Macen as they put him under. Macen, his best friend and the love of this life and the one they’ll build in Andromeda together. Macen, his Pathfinder. Macen, who will be waiting when he wakes up.

**~~~~**

Some six hundred years later, Avitus wakes up.

And no one is waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> dont blame me…you knew how this ended 
> 
>  
> 
> also i made up so much backstory nonsense/turian stuff…so forgive me if im wrong! its been a long time since ive done more than lazily skimming the codex entries~ 
> 
> tumblr is [here](http://theroadgoesawayfromhere.tumblr.com/)


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